We'll Never Be Close Friends

Me and Kazoo were talking the other day. It was all the usual stuff, you know. Guns, where Street Thunder has been and more importantly where it's going, sloppy cokehead broads, the pros of signing in to the Drinking Alone Crew, living the City Life, being a scumbag, and so on. Made me realize how "different" we are in comparison to the "normal" people our age. Also made me realize that we, as in me and you, will never be close friends because....

-You can't fathom the benefits and freedoms of boozing alone.
-You don't think that morning parties are a good idea. You'd rather be "sleeping" or some other nonsense.
-You thought today was a good day.
-The idea of waking up one day and spontaneously joining the Army isn't unbelievably enticing.
-You think your DCshoecoUSA or Element fitted cap and your Dragon sunglasses look good. They don't; you're a faggot, and I'd call you a bro if I didn't think it was a compliment.
-You wouldn't consider eating boomers a "quiet night in."
-You were offended by Christian Bale's recent explosion on the set of Terminator 4 and you think he's an asshole, rather than Beast of the Week.
-You overdraft your bank account (again) and think "shit, I feel guilty" rather than "damn that was an awesome weekend. I especially liked the part when I was so fucked up I couldn't see so I just took my shirt off and started doing burpees."

This weekend should be more of the same. Getting the Party Bros together again. We're doing Bmore/DC. Shit's gonna get real. I'm thinking bourbon circles, 8 balls, maybe some knee drops, restlessness, hysterical obscure discussions of God knows what, getting real delusional and asking Kazoo if I'm in a dream. Yeah bro, you're dreaming. Go back to sleep.